Lost
by stealmyylove
Summary: It's a few years after the war. Five months of a quiet romance and it's just too much. Or not enough.


**Title:** Lost.

**Summary:** It's a few years after the war. Five months of a quiet romance and it's just too much. Or not enough.

**Pairing:** Draco and Harry / Drarry.

**Warning:** Slash. Boy on boy kind of stuff. Don't like it? Look and find an x. Exit out of this.

**Notes: **There will be a part two. It's been years since I've wrote Harry Potter fanfiction, so please bare with me. Thank you.

It all started five months ago; they had both been at the pub. Harry had gotten a little drunk. Draco was almost as drunk as Harry. Neither of them thought twice when Draco apparated them both back to his flat. It had been years since school and they had parted ways at the last funeral on good terms, but they hadn't gone out of their way to keep in touch. Years of hating each other will do that.

It started with holding hands. Clumsily holding on to one another. It went further when Harry fell against Draco and they let themselves go. Years of hatred, rather pretend or not, went down the drain in an instant. Their lips were slow, for all of two seconds before they were heated and fighting to be in charge. They wouldn't be Draco and Harry if not, right?

After that first night, they did everything backwards. Everything was in secret. Draco didn't feel guilty and Harry covered his guilt with telling himself that she was divorcing him anyway. She was leaving him so he was free to press Draco Malfoy against any wall he wanted, right? He was allowed to make Draco Malfoy smile and laugh; he was able to try and make his former enemy blush (it happened once, and only once so far).

Their romance was more like a wave, pushing and pulling. Always a rush, quick wit and fast kisses. Whispering, shushing. Harry was surprised Draco walked the rope for as long as he did. So when he came to him, with eyes that said it all before his lips could, Harry wasn't really all that shocked. Part of him had been waiting for it, bracing for it.

"I won't be a bloody secret, Harry. I can't. I've been a secret before. Shame on me, y'know? Falling for The Boy Who Lived." He'd chuckled, so unlike the boy he knew back in school. All nerves and fidgets. Draco had gone as far as cupping Harry's cheeks. "Don't make me lose you."

Harry stood dumbfounded, looking into Draco's eyes. The weight of his hands against his cheeks. The way his voice sounded in that moment, in the dark. Even under the crap street light, Draco was gorgeous. He'd finally admitted to himself that all through school, Draco was something. Draco _is_ something. He gulped and placed his hands over Draco's.

"I can't. Not right now." It came out broken and watery, barely above a whisper and the words instantly kicked his stomach with such a force.

Draco pulled away. He held his hands up, balled into fists and Harry thought, if he punches me, I deserve it. But Draco only clutched at the air and began to pace slowly back and forth. Harry watched every movement, just as he had since he was a first year back at Hogwarts. He wanted to reach out. He wanted to explain. He wanted to do anything he could to take the words back and make it all okay. But that's what Harry Potter does best, yeah? He doesn't know how to let himself be happy.

And then Draco stopped right in front of him. "Do you love me, Potter?" It cut in ten different ways. The name, the question. To lie or to be truthful, he had been walking that rope with Draco. But he was the only one up on that rope now. He was the only one and anything he said could disturb the balance he was maintaining.

"Draco..." He moves to wrap his arms around the other man, but he jumps back.

"No, answer me. Answer me and _then_ you can touch me." His eyes said what he didn't speak out loud: answer wisely. Answer truthfully. Don't fuck around with me, Potter.

"I...," He stepped forward and wrapped his fingers in Harry's shirt, tugging him against him. They were used to this, though not with this type of anger. "Do you have to think about it, really? Do you?" He wasn't yelling, but he wasn't quiet. His voice was biting. He was Draco Malfoy, after all. He shook Harry once or twice before pushing the other man back. Harry caught himself and watched as Draco pointed at him.

"She's leaving you! What's holding you back? Oh, is it because it's _me_? Are you _ashamed_ of me? IS THAT IT?"

Harry had seen past the cool and collected mask that Draco seemed to wear his whole life. He'd seen it when they were sharing popcorn inside of muggle movie theater. He'd seen it when Harry couldn't help himself from wrapping that certain strand of Draco's hair around his finger and twirling... the look on Draco's face. He'd seen it when Harry took charge and he'd seen it in between the moments that their kisses could be slow and every time he felt himself pulling more and more.

But this was new. So completely new. Even when they were in school, never did they fight. Not like _this_. It's somehow another thing to add the list of things that Harry finds beautiful about Draco.

"I'm not ashamed of you, Draco." He took a step forward but Draco took a step back. He was moving away from Harry and Harry knew that he full well deserved it. All of it.

"Do you love me? You've yet to answer that one."

"I didn't want to tell you like this."

"Like what?"

Harry sighed and motioned between the two of them, looked up at the sky and then back at Draco. "With you thinking I'm ashamed of you and with... all of this..." He waited for the other man to stop him, cut him off. But it didn't happen. He simply watched Harry, his arms crossed over his chest. Harry took another step forward and when Draco didn't move away, he took his chances and pulled the other man against him. Draco was stone, though. Ice cold and that mask, that mask he worked so hard to shatter was back in place and it wass all his fault.

They just stared at one another, Draco fading right before his eyes and Harry took too long. Draco shook his head and pushed Harry back.

"You can't even say it." His voice was still biting but sounded vulnerable all over again and the pain...

Harry shook his head.

"I can. I do. I will. I just feel that it would be wrong because I can't... we can't until everything is final with her. We're almost there, Draco. Please. Just, please, don't do this," He moved forward again and Draco let him, his arms dropping and Harry took the chance to press himself against the Slytherin, arms around his waist and squeezing. "Don't make me lose _you_, Draco."

"Tell me." Draco moved his hands to hold Harry but dropped his arms back down by his waist. "Tell me, Harry."

Maybe he was afraid. Maybe he was a fool. But he was not that afraid, he's not that much of a fool.

"I'm in love with you, Draco. Please."

They share a smile. Draco twines his fingers into Harry's hair and tugs him in, kissing him softly. "And I, with you, Harry." He barely gets the words out as their lips work against one another.

"But it doesn't change anything. We can't... I can't..."

Draco pulls away and it hurts. It aches. "You can't or you won't? If you can't, then I can't. I'm not going to be a secret. Not anymore." He leaned in and placed one last, gentle and single kiss against Harry's cheek before turning on his heel and walking in the other direction.

Harry watched him, feeling every ounce of pain with every step Draco took away from him. Maybe he's afraid. Maybe he's a fool. He's that afraid, he's that much of a fool because he actually let Draco Malfoy walk away from him. He didn't go after Draco, instead, he stood there and whispered to the wind. "But I love you, I do." Watching until Draco was out of sight.

**Reviews are nice! (: Did you love it? Did you hate it? Let me know!**


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